irishdrunkhat

somethin

Sun, 14 May 2006 18:03:28 GMT

so I am going to start something new. I am going to post lyrics on a semi-daily basis. The lyrics wont necessarily have to do with anything other than the song i might be listening to at the moment, but it will gimme something to do.

Taking Back Sunday- My Blue Heaven

Two sides twist and then collide;
You're calling off the guards. ( Am I coming? )
I'm coming through. ( Am I coming? )
Adulteress conditioned to a spin cycled submission.
You know, sometimes it just feels better to give in.
( Sometimes, it just feels better to give in. )

And it's all too familiar,
And it happens all the time.
All the cards begin to stack up,
Twisting heartache into fine,
Little pieces that avoid an awful crime,
But it's you I can't deny.
(You I can't deny. )

Dull heat rises from the sheets.
I'm both a patient boy,
Well, and a jealous man. ( Am I coming? )
But double standardized suspicion,
Is remedied, oh, my blue heaven,
Sometimes, it just feels better to give in.
( Sometimes, it just feels better to give in. )

And it's all too familiar,
And it happens all the time.
All the cards begin to stack up,
Twisting heartache into fine,
Little pieces that avoid an awful crime,
But it's you I can't deny.
( You I can't deny. )

We swing and we sway,
As this tiny voice in,
My head starts to sing,
"You're safe, child, you are safe."
( "You're safe, child, you are safe." )
"You're safe, child, you are safe."

We swing and we sway,
As this tiny voice in,
My head starts to sing,
"You're sick, child, you are safe. "
"You're sick, child, you are .."

Safe. ( Safe.) Safe. ( Safe. )
You are safe.

We swing and we sway,
As this tiny voice in,
My head starts to sing,
"You're sick, child, you are safe." ( Am I coming? )
"You're sick, child, you are safe. "( Am I -- )
Coming through?

Is this all too familiar?
Does it happen all the time?
I'm just asking you to hear me.
Could you please, just once, just hear me?
More than anything you wanted to be right.
Still it's you, you, it's you I can't deny.
( You I can't deny. )
It's you I can't deny.

veggggggggggggggas

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 20:20:18 GMT

So I miss Las Vegas. We had such a great time there and for the 2 months i've been home i've wanted to go back, is that sad? I miss New York New York and the Belagio....and the food, ya the food. I wanna go back soon.

darko

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 05:28:54 GMT

All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World
Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World
Mad World

enlarge a new world
mad world

fuck

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 05:23:05 GMT

about 24 hours has passed and i feel even worse...i'm sitting here drunk more upset than i've been in a long time...how am i supposed to feel? ugly

porkchop

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 02:00:07 GMT

SOOOO i feel ugly...thats it

VIVA LAS VEGAS

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 23:45:05 GMT

umm i get to see wedding crashers tonight. Tomorrow is Hambo day. Sunday Mets game! good weekend? i think so!!!!
I cooked dinner tonight and it was amazing. A grilled pork chop and dill potatos...all from scratch, i even butchered the pig, or not. Vegas soon!!!!

wrong

Sun, 15 May 2005 05:49:39 GMT

so i graduated today...and right now i sit here alone. i guess i asked for a graduation present of someone punching me in the face and telling me how wrong i am?

don't shake...i hate to see you tremble

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 05:36:19 GMT

So right now I'm shaking...I'm having the worst couple of weeks in my head and everytime i think i'm in the clear i'm not. I can't say anything right...i can't do anything right. I honestly don't care if you are thinking "stop feeling sorry for urself"...i honestly don't. I want to make people happy especially my gf, i want to be super social, i want to do awesome at school. Yet i'm 0 for 3 in those areas. It's strange because I have never doubted my ability to make people smile and calm peoples nerves....but lately i've been doing the opposite, and it is driving me up a wall. I can't sleep and im so tired that its keeping me awake. Television sucks a whole lot! Seriously what am i supposed to do? I'd drive if my car hadn't gotten stolen. My knees are wobbly, whats that mean?

i've lost my touch.....

....But my doors always unlocked

Wed, 19 Jan 2005 23:15:57 GMT

So I don't know whats goin on really. In general the past few days I feel useless...like I can't do anything right and its bringin me down. I just wanna be a better person, in every aspect and I'm trying real hard but the harder i try the harder I fall. I'm sorry to whoever I've been a dick to, or neglected, or just did wrong. So Im sitting here listenin to music, and downloading stuff I used to have but lost and hearing these songs is fun. It's actually cheering me up a bit.

Anna I'm sorry that I've been a dick in the past few days, and I've been stupid. Don't hate me or think Im crazy....

143boo

I heard a voice through the discord

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 13:47:49 GMT

So it's 9:30 sunday morning, i'm waitin to get picked up to go to the Jets game...I can't wait, seriously, i need a good time today! Last night was interesting to say the least. I hate when something happens and it cheers you up for days and you look forward to having it happen again, and the day it could happen again, instead you get the complete opposite. I met person X on Thursday night and we really hit it off and it was great. I couldn't wait to hang out with person X again last nite. But instead person X got really drunk and was all over every guy, dorky, fat, stupid, didnt matter....all guys but me. If I had a penalty flag I woulda thrown it! But then person Y cheered me up cuz person Y actually cared that I had a good time and that was nice.

Friday night was fun! My sister was celebrating her bday/anniversary/getting a job up in Lake Hopatcong at a bar called the Tidal Wave. I thought it would be a complete dive but it was actually pretty cool. Anna from school came with me and we sat in like an hour of traffic on route 80 cuz some car thought it had the right to fall in a ditch and have its top come off...the nerve. But we bonded in the car and I like hanging out with her. We hit the bar and I had one beer but some cop decided to follow me through this windy road when we left anyway and I got nervous....but nothin happened. Then we went to her house cuz she was "so awake" haha and we started watchin eternal sunshine of a spotless mind and right when i got into it...BAM....she was fallin asleep so I felt bad and I left. Very good times though, I really had fun and I wanna hang out with her again...it's a nice change of pace to hang out with someone who is actually mature....joe excluded cuz he doesn't have to be mature, cuz he is 50% shyguy and thats what counts.

I miss seein my mom everyday. She's not supposed to know that though so don't tell her. And I miss Bean, and Deanna...and everything from last year. But things change and I unfortunately don't think that they miss it too much...they are all having fun doin their new things...oh well, we'll be a crew again, in time.

gimme all your poison

Sat, 28 Aug 2004 14:51:00 GMT

5 and a half hours of panic attacks...non stop...love it. I'm tired of little things setting me off. Sometimes im just a complete idiot for no reason and it puts my mind places that it shouldn't be and makes people feel ways they shouldn't feel. last nite i got triggered by things i didnt wanna see nor hear, but i dealt with them in a shitty way. I walked away and had my attacks and couldn't sleep. Then when i came back to everyone, i saw another thing i didn't wanna see and got triggered again! I can't be like this at school or else i will do horrible and i can't afford that. I guess i'm sorry to the people i was stupid to, you guys all know ilove u.

uuuuhhhhyerrrrrr

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 14:54:38 GMT

I've been waking up happy for the past week or so, all thanks to one person.

So lately things have been goin quite excellent. Work is goin good, i quit my job with lexmark till summer is over cuz i had no free time. It's good workin at the pool cuz i see people who are cool and i enjoy working with. I've gone to a few shows recently...I've seen Fallout Boy, MyChem, BoysNightOut, Reel Big Fish and Lucky Boys...but the best part of any of those nights is any part where she's next to me, seriously. "You can stay tonight, and make everything alright"...thats Matchbook and i'm listnin to it as we speak (we aren't really speaking). Tonight we are goin to see Stafford, my boys! Those guys seriously rule in so many ways. I'm hopin Deanna will come up because Erik misses her and I haven't hung out with her in a while and i want her to really meet Jen, cuz she met her while she was workin which doesn't count.

Ya know whats funny? Right now i'm taking so many risks in life...and never have I felt so safe....thank you J-face

"Cuz I'm ridiculous like that"

Don't believe in me...don't believe in me

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 06:06:52 GMT

So today sucked...a lot...Whenever I sit around doing nothing, i think...and thinking sometimes sucks, like today. I know this is awful to say but i'm so fed up with my father...i'm so tired of him getting my hopes up for stuff and then killing them at the last second. I'm tired of tryin to impress him. Tomorrows gonna suck too, cuz i have work all day. I hope at some point I get to actually see some people or else thats two days in a row with not much social interaction...boooooo to that! So Round's new name is Jerkfacexcore, she should be proud of that. People are slowly showing me even more how much they dont matter to me. It sux but at the same time its refreshing to clarify who gives a shit about me.

I wanna go to Boston soon, get away from jersey for a few. I love jersey but i need somethin different for a few days. Finch is on tv right now and i'm thinkin i need to go to a show sometime soon, very soon, and go nutz. maybe a show in boston...that'd be cool.

So I'm under the impression that Julie broke up with me to go back out with Dave. That makes like 4 or 5 people in a row who have stopped seein me to go back to an ex...that sux a whole helluva lot. Maybe I just suck at life.

"Distant and incoherent"

Feeling better

Sun, 30 May 2004 22:11:47 GMT

So i feel a lot better about everything, which is awesome. I've had a few great nights in a row thanks to my buddy Joe Frankthetankia. Two nights ago we all just chilled on his deck and drank some beers. Erin and Morgin came and I hadn't seen them in so long, so that we cool. They both seemed very happy which is good, I'm glad my friends are gellin. Then last night me and Joe went to see Atreyu and FATA. The show was fun, not exactly my favorite bands but they were fun to watch...THEN...we went to his house and got drunk in like a half hour. Round, Jill, Squishy and Nicole were there with us watching us be fools. Then we watched homestar runner be a fool, and he's so much better at it. Today was bozack, I had to wake up and go to work at Best Buy, and it was so slow, and my best printer wasn't even there, we sold out. So whatever.

So back to feeling better. People who ACTUALLY care have really showed their true colors and been there for me. They are real people, real friends, real minds...not some products of society who do what they think is cool and right like some people. Whatever, if I wanted products I'd buy them...instead...friends...free...gotta love it.

"Lets call it what it is...and what it is, is dead to me"
thank you products

Nothings changed but my life

Mon, 24 May 2004 00:33:25 GMT

This is the hardest thing I've ever gone through, bar none. I wish I was back in school...doin the routine of goin to classes, talkin to her sporadically throughout the day and then seeing her to wind my day down. She was the greatest gift I had ever received...now she's gone. I find myself with hours at a time with nothing to do, time that i'd normally spend being with her, talking to her, thinking about her and smiling because of her. She doesn't think she can be in a long term relationship and i can't tell her she's wrong because its not a right or wrong thing...but on the inside i can think she's wrong and i do. What we had was amazing..it wasn't one of those relationships based on insignificant things...it was based on the fact that we made eachother smile, we were there when we needed eachother and we'd give eachother the shirts off our backs. I am the type of person that gets emotional when i think about little memories that i have...it makes me sad thinking about how she'd order a sandwich, how she'd get excited about having fun plans, about how she'd laugh at mine and joe's dumb antics. She didn't need me to buy her jewelry or treat her everywhere we went...it made her happy to do little things...bring her a greek salad from pilgrim, give her a massage, rub the inside of her hand when she had a headache...i had the perfect girlfriend and i screwed it all up. I told her I'd be her friend but that's going to be so hard. She is THE most beautiful girl i've ever seen and she's gonna have guys wanting her all the time, and i'm not gonna be able to do anything. I have hope though...People change their minds a lot, and i'm giving her all the space she wants...hopefully she'll realize what i've known all along...we are perfect together. This weekend was my first weekend at work without her as my gf...I'm used to texting her when i'm bored, sorting out plans for the night and just smiling every once in a while. There was none of that though, I made no plans, I smiled not once. It seems crazy that I'm this attached to this girl but its like...last week everything was perfect, nothing was wrong...and out of nowhere her mind changes about us and i adjust my lifestyle the best i can...and its so impossible.I bought a car and i'm not even excited about it...who am i gonna drive around? Julie...love me? I miss you a thousand and 4 times

down

Tue, 18 May 2004 15:06:13 GMT

So it's been a while and a lot has changes, i think. Last night I had the worst night of my entire life. Me and Julie talked and she said a few things that have been bothering her and it was like a ton of weight off my shoulders. She had been upset recently and I figured that those things were the reasons why. I thought once they were sorted out she'd be fine and I was on cloud 9. Then a little later she was upset again and said she was thinking about stuff...meaning us...she said that she doesn't know if things are the same anymore and that's hard to hear because it's true, my feelings aren't the same, they are stronger. I fall more in love with this girl everyday and it kills to think she might be falling less in love.After some of the times we've had its a hard thing to imagine. I had such amazing times with her like my sisters 30th birthday at Docs, goin to the races, skate and surf, story of the year show....the whole saga of me wanting to kiss her for like a month straight...i can't lose that. I think it has a lot to do with this kid Dave coming home, because he broke her heart before he left for school. But when he did that I was there for her 24/7, i listened to her cry and i took her out to cheer her up. I don't wanna have my heart broken. in the words of Thrice..."I'm due for a miracle"

well hello

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 18:31:36 GMT

It's been a while mr.journal but i am back. Things are going great in every aspect that greatness can occur. We leave for Skate and Surf tomorrow night and i've never been more excited in my life. There are so many bands playing (154 to be exact) and there's at least one band i wanna see at all hours of the day. Hey so my room got painted since the last time we did this little update thingy. It's brown now, yum, and i'm gettin a new carpet. I think maybe i wanna live home next semester if my dad will be willing to help me with car payments instead of dorming. I miss my own bed, i miss privacy, i miss playing video games till i fall asleep in my computer chair...hmm come to think of it i miss my computer chair! Oh so let me tell u about hick night! It was last thursday night and we all dressed like white trash hicks. I cut off a pair of jeans so they were short shorts, wore a plaid flannel shirt rolled up, work boots and a cowboy hat, i was PIMPIN! I got too drunk tho and acted like an ass to mah squishy, i didnt like how i acted at all...it made me sick actually. but other than that the nite was good...i spent it with great people and had fun...till i was an asshole. my stomache hurts, i pulled a muscle on my ribcage...how much does that suck! ok well i gotta go up to campus for voting for c1c...i'm running for vp...wish me luck!

the long haul

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 17:57:24 GMT

So the next two days will suck. I have such a big test on thursday nite and a paper due in the morning. Spring break was ok, it snowed a little bit to really be called spring break...more like "end of winter break" for those of us stuck in jersey. On St.Patricks day me, julie, joe, maggie and hugh went to jill's house to drink a little and celebrate bein irish, and we all know joe bleeds that irish blood through and through. We did some car bombs....well a lot of car bombs and supposedly someone got sick haha, but i dont remember seein that. julie drove me home and i kept comin close to fallin asleep in the car...but once i got home i didnt feel good but somehow i avoided puking...The next two nites were toned down, we saw dawn of the dead tho haha. Saturday night was wat made the break. Me and julie got invited to go out with my sister for her 30th birthday, so my mom took us alllllll out to the china buffet and then like 25 of us at least went to Doc's...I shook my money maker let me tell ya haha. I drank about 4 or 5 drinks, 3 shots and a beer...i was pretty good. Then me and julie went to our room and when she rolled over to fall asleep i thought she was mad for some reason (stupid alcohol) so i couldn't sleep...so i tossed and turned all night. The next mornin things were cool tho. Then the library got hit up to get research on my speech topic and i busted my butt gettin that speech done...and i did awesome on the speech.

Oh by the way...SUNDAY WAS CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE!!!!!! oh my god it was so good i couldn't even believe it, my mom outdoes herself every year. If I didnt have this firmly rooted belief that God created earth, i'd believe it was either my mom or a corned beef. oh ya...and my sister lori proposed to julie, she's always takin my glory.

sooo long

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 08:11:51 GMT

It's been a few weeks since i updated. I think i'm supposed to do something great in life...I just got that feeling the other day cuz i realized i'm not gonna do a 9 to 5 job...but i'm not gonna allow myself to just barely make it in life...so i'm gonna do something great that few people do...i just dunno what yet. So today i woke up and went to work after events took place in the middle of the nite that i do not care to discuss. Work was awesome, i sold so many printers, i totally kicked ass. Then i got out of work and went home cuz my mom got a new tv and its so nice. I watched phone booth and...damnit i can't remember what other movie i watched. phone booth was really really really good. Julie came over and met me at my house and hung out for a little while and then we went to go see starsky and hutch...do it....do it...do it....haha. Then after the movie i called matt cuz he left me a message. We met up with him and went to my friend pat's house who i used to play baseball with. We kinda great apart but he's a good guy, he's a marine too which is cool. We stayed there for about an hour and then me and julie went back to my house to watch death to smoochie...then i came back to my apartment and here i am..GREG JUST IM'ED ME...i misss him he's one of my best friends and i'm jealous that he's in australia and i'm here in montclair, but he'll be back soon enough. aisle of you

argh

Thu, 19 Feb 2004 01:55:25 GMT

So today i actually thought of quitting C1C. Everyone in this freakin organization is bein dumb and getting too stressed out over something that should be fun...purely fun. If you have outside issues leave them outside...come to the office and relax, its about music, music is here to calm us and let us have fun not make us uptight and flat out rude. Speaking of music i'm goin to see Barenaked Ladies tomorrow nite wit the neighbor. So cuz of that i'm gonna go see Julie tonite cuz i wont see her till the weekend and we all need a Boo-fixin every now and then haha. I'm really upset the Early November show on friday nite is sold out, i wanted to see them sooooooooooo bad. I guess i'll have to wait until skate and surf...I have the following things to be happy about...
1)Julie
2)great friends that have always been there
3)great friends that will always be there
4)new friendships that have been saved from the wreckage
5)yellowcard
6)having my essay finished
7)the weekend being halfway here
8)my whole famn damily
9)an itchy foot (all of u know that scratching an itch is the best feeling EVER)
10)my ability to read

today i woke up really late and could have easily fallen back to sleep but i fought it. I did laundry, made a sandwich, went to the C1C meeting, came back, hung outand tried to set up my printer again...which i failed at. now i sit here waiting to leave. someone post a comment..nobody EVER comments on my entries

look what i can do!

Thu, 12 Feb 2004 19:52:29 GMT

sooo it's been a few days. My grandfather is getting worse, and i dont like that. I just found out from my brother that he is having another surgery, so my mom lied to me last night i guess. Umm I asked Julie out on sunday, go me! She said yes, she must be dumb ha. So saturday is finally taking shape, and i won't tell her the plans and its pissing her off..sux for her! We watched lion king 1 and a half the other nite and it was really good surprisingly...its sad to admit that a 21 year old junior in college finds himself cracking up throughout a disney movie about a lion and a pig. So me and Deanna have kinda patched up our differences and we're gonna be friends which is much better than enemies which i never wanted. I like having friends, I hate having enemies...especially enemies who are friends with my friends so its all gravy (holla kev). I'm really glad julie said yes...I think she's afraid to tell her ex about me, which in a way makes me kinda sad but i can understand. As long as she's not embarassed to be goin out with me haha...ur not right? h

ohhhhhk

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 21:26:51 GMT

so here's the deal...i'm gonna forget bad shit...and u do the same...i give u respect, u give me respect and this friendship can work so thats that...the person that said i should make the decision, think what u want...this wasn't a decision that had to be made by just one person, it goes both ways...so past is past i dont care...and now thats settled.

So today I....
a.bombed a quiz
b.helped kevin do the radio show
c.got kevin a buffalo chicken sandwich
d.listend to the whole deathcab cd
e.got free tickets to see mest and fallout boy
f.heard worse news about my grandfather....

on a sidenote, my grandfather being sick is really bothering me. He is the prime example of a strong person. He is always doing something, always helping someone, whether its planting a garden or driving a woman with cancer to get treatment everyday, he's always helping...why him? he should live forever. I think the past few days i've been really irritable and i think thats why...i'm just afraid of losin him and the reaction everyone in my family will have...he's like my moms rock. I guess the best i can do is hope

its official

Fri, 06 Feb 2004 08:40:46 GMT

it's official everyone....sarah slotkin is great. I wish there were more sarah's around here...and julie's...and jills...and joe's...and kevins...some people just keep fuckin playin with my mind and ya know what, my mind is sittin this one out...i'm replacin it with my heart...and nobody screws with that.It's so great knowing someone likes me for me and i dont have to pretend to be someone else. People who know me know that i will go out of my way at the drop of a dime to be there for people i care about...but i refuse to have that taken advantage of. If ya wanna be my friend then all i ask for is respect and in some cases i dont always get that. I'm not cool with this "one night i'll act like i care and the next nite you can die" attitude...if ya want me in ur life i'm here...if not then ask me to leave, but i'm not leavin on my own and while i'm here deal with it. if its ur ego thats not allowing u to be honest and sincere and really care then fuck that, cuz thats dumb, this is college its not high school...petty games are over...u know who u are. This isn't a threat, just a wake up call to show u that these childish games are exactly that...childish. i'm not calling u childish cuz i know ur not childish...but when things get tough or weird thats the front u put on and u dont need to here, not with me. I guess this is pretty much me letting u know that its one way or the other, not back and forth anymore...ur my friend or ur not...u need to let me know and you know where i stand, i've told u over and over. ur probably gonna take this whole post as me ripping on u...but its not. but i've been gettin the raw end of this deal for the past 2 months and one way or the other its gonna stop. make the right decision please...u have my word it'll be aight

nice little day...maybe some home depot

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 06:48:01 GMT

So I had a good relaxing day. I woke up at around 12:45 and went to campus to have lunch with Deanna. We ate at the student center and saw gross waffle mix. Then she signed me in and i went up to their room to get my christmas gift. I was kinda mean to her and I dunno, it wasn't right of me but i think it'll be cool. then i had class till 3:30 and after that i drove to my house and picked up my pay check to deposit it in the bank. Then I came back to the apartment, showered and went to julie's where we had pasta and watched some tv. I came home at like 10:30 and me, kevin and cory went to applebee's. It was fun, Kevin pooped for like 10 minutes while we waited to leave. We all talked a lot and Kevin knew the waitress so it was cool. Then Cory drove us home and we called the radio station and requested pocket full of kryptonite by the spin doctors, and they thought cory was a guy so we laughed lol. Then I came home to the apartment where I am now...all in all a quiet relaxing day where i saw lots of people i care about.

Do you?

Mon, 02 Feb 2004 21:33:50 GMT

DO YOU HAS WHAT IT TAKES TO JOIN THE HOMESTARMY?!?!? I miss 4 people...Greg, Matt, Sarah and Beth...and all four are part jewish i just remembered...I either miss them cuz they are friends or because they are jewish.